Cara B. - January 27th, 2010
Last blog entry we talked about facing the reality of our situations during an unplanned pregnancy and embracing the decision-making process. Well, once the truth has time to sink in, what happens next?
2. Get all the information necessary to make your decision. There are many caring pregnancy centers which will provide information and resources needed to make your decision. (To find one in your area check out www.optionline.org.) If you live in DuPage County, please utilize PregnantHelp’s hotline or live chat to make an appointment at one of our locations. We have access to the most accurate and up-to-date information in regards to abortion, adoption, and parenting. We can help you sort through your options and will listen as you voice your concerns, questions, and difficulties. Getting all of the information isn’t just about having the right resources or materials. It also includes bringing people that are important to you into your decision making process—family, friends, and your significant other. Talk this over with them and see what help and support they are able to offer you. However, no matter what advice you receive, remember at the end of the day it’s YOUR decision to make. You are the one who will be ultimately responsible and therefore, you must come to terms personally with the choice you will make. You will want to make a decision you can stand behind for the rest of your life.
3. Next, evaluate all of your options. Sit down and think things through. DON’T RUSH! Many women feel the need to make a decision immediately, and don’t give themselves time to fully think everything through. Don’t let yourself fall into this category. Give yourself some time to allow things to settle. At the beginning, emotions and confusion are high and these can influence your decision. Don’t let the amount of information or opinions you receive become overwhelming. Consider the pros and cons of each option. Ask questions. Seek more counsel. Then after all is said and done you can feel like you’ve really considered the outcomes and responsibility involved. Don’t let a lack of resources stand in the way of what you decide. Some women are afraid to make a decision based on the fact that they don’t have enough money, support, or time. There are several agencies, groups, and organizations that would love to help with your situation. Make your decision based on what YOU feel is right to do. You can contact your local pregnancy center to receive information on these resources.
Keep your eyes peeled for our next blog. We’ve gone through the process of gathering all the necessary information and including our loved ones in the decision-making process. Now, it’s time for action!
Cara B. - January 20th, 2010
You take a test and—two lines. Uh oh. Even the outcome is what you suspected, it might still be difficult to face. Suddenly, you are overwhelmed with all sorts of thoughts and emotions. “What do I do?” “I never expected this to happen.” “How could this be?” “We were careful.” “I can’t do this right now.” As a woman, each of us faces a unique situation with very different circumstances, yet everyone has to go through the same decision process. There are three paths before you—abortion, adoption, and parenting. How will you navigate through all the options, feelings, and pressures? Here are some tips many have found useful in making the decision process go more smoothly.
1. Face the reality of the situation. See your circumstances for what they are. Perhaps this is an unplanned pregnancy. Unfortunately, you can’t wish away the positive test. You must embrace it and recognize that you now have a decision to make. Although the reality of your situation might be overwhelming at times, you aren’t alone in this process. There are numerous compassionate and thoughtful professionals that can help you sort through this decision and give you the resources you need.
Next blog entry we’ll be discussing resources and organizations that can help with your decision making process. Check it out to see who you can connect with to receive the support and information you need.
Lisa P. - December 16th, 2009
1. They deserve to know. Even if you are terminating the pregnancy, plan to tell them before you go for the procedure. Your decision to abort should be a choice based on facts, and the facts include your parents’ response to your pregnancy—not just their “expected” response.
2. They should hear it from you. As painful as it might be to tell them, it will be worse if they have to guess, or find out from another source.
3. Help them respect your decision. If you’ve already made your choice, describe how you came to that conclusion. When they can follow your line of reasoning, they will be more likely to accept your conclusion. Also, they will trust your conclusion more if they see you’ve put thought into it and done your research. Ideally, when you respect your parents by telling them what’s going on, they will respect your wishes in this matter and support your decision.
4. Let them voice their concerns. Since they’ve listened to you, try to listen to them. It’s easy to get defensive if they have questions, but hang on to a little objectivity. If your dad had concerns about the car you were considering buying, you’d want to know about them, right? If you don’t agree, you don’t have to act on it.
5. They should not pressure you. Legally it is your decision. Practically, of course, there are subtle (and not-so-subtle) means of coercion. If you are being pressured, reach out for help. Social services organizations like CareNet may be able to assist you. If there is any kind of abuse involved, tell someone right away.
CareNet is happy to talk with you, your parents, or your family together. We provide information on each of the options and referrals for medical care, family counseling, and other community agencies.
Lisa P. - November 25th, 2009
He wants one thing, she wants another. When making a decision about something as significant as a pregnancy, expect the discussion to be difficult and the results to have a critical effect on the relationship.
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Be wary of half-hearted compromises. Unlike choosing a dinner restaurant, if one partner is unhappy with the decision, he or she will not be able to brush it off—resentment almost always follows. Adding resentment to the other emotional adjustments that follow a pregnancy crisis can cause even a strong relationship to break down.
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Search yourselves. If she really wants to keep the baby, can you also become excited about it, or will you be angry about the increased responsibility in your lives? If he really wants an abortion, can you agree wholeheartedly, or will you later blame him for “making you” go through with it? Be honest with yourself and your partner about how you might react to the choices you’re considering.
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Listen. When one partner feels like their voice is not heard, it’s especially easy to blame the other person. Each person has to practice good listening. When you listen well to your significant other, you can help him or her to calm down and listen well to you.
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Don’t rush. Good communication takes time. When the conversation gets heated, take a break. Sleep on it. Talk again.
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Work together. Remember that both partners actually want the same thing: a decision they can live with and not regret. Try thinking of it as a problem you both want to solve, not a fight you both want to win. Once you’re working as a team, be creative problem-solvers together.
Brenda Goodnough, RN - November 7th, 2009
One of the first concerns a woman faces when she learns or suspects that she is pregnant is where to go to confirm the pregnancy.
There are several options available. Different clinics fit different needs and situations.
If you have been receiving care from a physician or clinic with the goal of becoming pregnant then they are the first and best choice for continued care.
If your suspected pregnancy is unplanned and you are faced with a decision concerning any aspect of the pregnancy then you will need to find a clinic that is designed to best meet your needs.
Important Aspects of a Reputable Clinic:
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Confidential It is important that you can obtain the information you need in an environment that will keep all your medical information and concerns strictly confidential. No one needs to be aware of your situation before you are ready to tell them.
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Cost Ideally, you will be able find a clinic that has little or no profit motive in helping you determine your best course of action. Additionally, clinics that can offer you free pregnancy tests and ultrasounds provide necessary information and save you money.
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Professional Make sure that the clinic you choose is staffed with medical professionals and personnel that have been well trained to provide the services you need. Facilities that are not licensed should be avoided. The appearance of any clinic offering medical services should reflect the care and professionalism of the staff.
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Holistic The clinic you choose should focus on you, your concerns, and the impact this pregnancy has on all aspects of your life. Clinics that try to influence your decision will not be willing to consider your thoughts and feelings.
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Open-minded This can be one of the most difficult and confusing times in your life. An unexpected pregnancy raises many concerns. You don’t need or want to be judged for whatever has happened in your life in the past. A non-biased, open, and considerate staff is optimal when you are seeking to explore your options or just convey your concerns.
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Caring A clinic that will sit and talk to you without regard to time and other activities is priceless. You should feel that you can call or return and they will be ready to talk to you.
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Knowledgeable A reputable clinic should provide you with reasonable medical information and additional support resources in your area.
CareNet Pregnancy Services of DuPage was organized to operate on all of the principles stated above. If you or someone you care about is in need of any services, please call us first. If you need a referral to another reputable center out of our service area we will gladly refer you.
