Admin - April 17th, 2012
I’m sure most of you have come across the phrase “friends with benefits” before, and if you haven’t, let me explain. Today’s generation is big on “friends with benefits.” Teens are doing it, adults are doing it, and wait for it…they are even making movies about it! But what does “friends with benefits” mean? “Friends with benefits” is the idea that you can have sex with someone just for the pleasure and yearning of having sex with no strings attached. There are no emotions, no feelings, and no physical attachment involved.
The idea of “friends with benefits” is slowly erasing big parts of relationships today, such as friendship, dating, getting to know one another, and discovering connections. There is so much focus on the “hook-ups” and feeding sexual desires, the thought of coming into a relationship with someone is not even on the mind. Many people go into the “friends with benefits” thinking that it won’t cause the same complications as a relationship. Matt Fuller, who is a guest author of the blog Give Me Closure, states:
Two neurochemicals released during sex, dopamine and oxytocin, are responsible for the sense of pleasure and peace that are associated with intercourse. Unfortunately, these two happen to be “craving chemicals” which can’t make the distinction whether you’re having sex with someone you are planning to marry, or with someone who means nothing more than just a friend to you. That means, whether the participants in a sexual act want it or not, a bond is created during the intercourse.
Even though many say that there’s no emotional attachment with “friends with benefits,” the reality of it is that there is. Whether they admit it or not, many people end up feeling used, embarrassed, disappointed, and sad…especially when their one night stand fails to remember their name the next day. Sex plays a huge role on our heart, in our mind, and on our body, so people should be aware that emotions are going to become a factor. If you take a closer look at a “friends with benefits” relationship, you will notice patterns. First one person develops feelings, then there is conflict over where the relationship is going, and finally one friend feels betrayed when the other starts “hooking up” with someone else. These are just a few examples showing ways in which emotions are so heavily involved.
When you look at the phrase “friends with benefits,” really focus on that last word…benefits. Besides the “sexual desire” it may fill, are there really any benefits that come along with it? It may fill a temporary sexual desire, but long term, it may do more harm than good. It can cause a lack of self worth, depression, and an uncomfortable conversation for future relationships. Always remember, your heart is sacred, and it’s delicate. Your emotions and your body should be handled with care, not only by your own self, but by the others that are involved in your life.
Guest blog by Nikki B.
Admin - January 6th, 2012
I recently heard someone say, “I can’t tell my parents I’m pregnant! My mom will be so disappointed in me and my dad might even kick me out of the house!”
Being a mom of two daughters, I know that I would want my girls to tell me if they were to get pregnant. I would be disappointed, but I would also be okay!
Many parents have dreams for their children. They want them to find the right person to marry, to have the security of a home and job and then start a family. That being said, I love my daughters and want to support them no matter what circumstance they find themselves in. Here are some things that I hope my daughter would do if she were to tell me she was pregnant:
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I hope that my daughter would tell me as soon as possible. It seems that when we put things off they feel bigger and scarier.
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I would want her to tell me in person or write me a note. Sending a text feels very impersonal.
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I hope that she would wait for the right time to tell me about the pregnancy--not as I rush in the door after a long day of work.
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When she speaks to me it would be helpful if she communicated calmly how she is feeling, how she needs my love and support.
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Hopefully she would remember that I will need time to process all I am hearing, just as she needed time to process the pregnancy for herself.
It won’t be easy to tell your parents about your pregnancy, but hopefully you will be surprised to find that with some patience, understanding and clear communication the whole family can get through a very difficult time.
If you want help figuring out how to best tell your parents, remember that you can call CareNet. We would love to help you.
Guest blog by Terri C. Terri works in the Wood Dale office and has helped many families deal with unexpected pregnancies.
Admin - September 7th, 2011
Most of us believe a lot of cultural myths about successful relationships. One of the most damaging is a myth that one of my favorite speakers calls the ‘Right Person Myth’. This myth holds to the idea that when we meet the right person, everything will be alright. For example we subconsciously think, ‘I don’t need to practice patience because when I meet the right person they will be so great and I won’t ever get annoyed’, or ‘I don’t need to practice forgiveness because when I meet the right person they will be so awesome they won’t ever wrong me and I won’t ever need to forgive them’.
A problem arises when you find that person has been thinking the same thing about you. We all know we are not perfect and that we will disappoint our significant other if they have believed the ‘Right Person Myth’. Maybe the best way to fight the inevitable disappointment that this thinking brings is to try to better ourselves rather than rely completely on the other person’s wonderfulness. Imagine that amazing guy or girl. Do you embody the kind of integrity that he is looking for? Are you making the kind of choices her ideal person would be making? Know the kind of partner you want and don’t settle for anything less. Continue working on becoming the type of person that will attract that type of guy or girl while also seeking for a person with good character.
This doesn’t mean being fake. It means doing the honest hard work of personal change. We need to stop depending on destiny and take control of ourselves and our relationships. Be the person that the person you’re looking for is looking for.
Guest post by Esther B.
Brenda Goodnough, RN - May 25th, 2011
This entry is re-posted from 2009.
Worried that you may be pregnant? There are often symptoms that occur after conception. Some women will notice changes in their bodies very quickly and some will say that they have very few.
Symptoms can include:
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Missed or unusually light period If your periods are irregular it may be difficult to know you’ve missed a period but not having a period for several months when you are sexually active deserves some attention. Also, it is not unusual for some pregnant women to continue to have some very light bleeding around the time of their normal period.
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Breast swelling or tenderness This can also be a sign of an impending period but it is very common to have very tender breasts or a darkening of the nipple area early in pregnancy due to an increase in hormone levels.
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Morning sickness In spite of its name, morning sickness is mild or severe nausea can occur at any time of day. This symptom often begins around week 8 and usually goes away after the 12th week of pregnancy. Some women find that morning sickness lasts, to some degree, for a longer period of time.
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Fatigue Pregnant women often complain of being “very tired” or noticing a drop in their energy levels. A combination of hormones and the demands of the rapidly growing fetus can result in this common complaint of pregnant women.
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Headache Hormone changes also cause this common symptom of pregnancy. If you start to experience frequent headaches, especially if headaches are a rare occurrence for you, you may be pregnant.
If you are sexually active and are experiencing one or more of these symptoms you may be pregnant. The only way you can be sure is to have a blood or urine pregnancy test or ultrasound. The more sensitive urine tests can detect pregnancy hormone as soon as a week after conception. Ultrasound can give you valuable information about your pregnancy as soon as 4-5 weeks after conception.
CareNet provides very accurate tests for free. Please call to schedule an appointment at one of our four offices.
Admin - May 11th, 2011
People are sometimes curious about my personal decision to not have sex until marriage. So, here is my take on why abstinence works for me:
When I was in high school a few of the girls in my class, including one of my best childhood friends, got pregnant. Seeing how their life plans were affected made me think hard about how my own life goals could be interrupted. I decided I needed to make a plan to ensure that I would stay safe, healthy and on the right path to reach my goals. The question was, how could I guarantee that this would be accomplished? For me, there was only one answer that I found to completely ensure that I would be able to realize my goals. That choice was to not have sex until marriage.
My decision to practice abstinence is one I have to continue to make each and every day. Some days it can be hard, but at the end of every day that I have stayed abstinent, I am proud that I have made that decision for myself. It is a significant decision to make and cannot be made lightly.
Though it is not always easy, for me it was the only choice that I saw allowing me to secure my future and my life goals. Now I am 25 years old, have my Master’s degree and am in the process of starting my career. I have had no worries of an un-prepared pregnancy or a pregnancy outside of marriage because of my decision, and this lack of worry has allowed me to be where I am today. Abstinence is working for me and it can work for you too!
Guest post by Nicole D.
